Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
