Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
