It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
