I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
