Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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