yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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