Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
