Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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