your parents love me but you hate me
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
