Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
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