Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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