Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
