4 words: hood of his car
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
