If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
