Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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