i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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