she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
