forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
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