i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
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Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i out mim tonsoeep
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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