Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Randomize
