why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
