You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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