Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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