i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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