Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
