I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
