So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I would fuck him just for his dog
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
