you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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