Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
