There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
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