do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
