Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
