we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
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I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
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They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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