You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
