If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
