Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
