return my video game
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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