So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
