I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
