thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
