Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
