She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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