I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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