she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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