i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
