We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
