This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
