Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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