He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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