first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
