Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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