I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
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Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
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I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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