Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
