Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
