Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
