Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
