come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
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So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
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And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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