This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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