theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
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