woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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