I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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