oh god the rape fog is back!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
50% drunk capacity currently
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
