There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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