i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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