Where is the hickey?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
