I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just want nice things and good sex
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
