I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
