I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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