then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
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She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
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My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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