I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Acid is not a monday night drug
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize