Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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