fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm really busy with my period
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