I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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