I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
