now i know why i became what i already was.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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