The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
