you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
