Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
