i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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